I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize