SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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