i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
