I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
