John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ketchup is God's man juice
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm at about main and main street
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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