Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
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It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
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I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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