Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
