I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
