No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
