he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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