According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
