The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I want a musical about memes.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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