Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
