well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
birth control should be required to get into college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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