dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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