I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
