I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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