this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
