Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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