youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
