just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
