we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
