Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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