I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
