3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
