TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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