Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
im six kinds of drunk right now
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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