There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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