i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
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There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
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Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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