Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
