I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
