I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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