Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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