Kiss
Puke
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
