My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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