Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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