I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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