Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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