I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Randomize
