I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
bring money and cleavage
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
