It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
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So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
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I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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