I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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