she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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