...so i touched it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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