I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
