Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I know her cup size but not her name....
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
