i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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