Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
