he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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