These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
