We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
