She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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