god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
