I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
