there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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