My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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