I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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