went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
