i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
