wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just google imaged poop.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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