I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Why is your signature on my underwear?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize