I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
