After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
