i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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