At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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