I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
