theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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