Cold hands, warm shart.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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