I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
