She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
