So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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