is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
