no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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